“I need tonight and tomorrow off.” The words were forced out past the violent emotions still choking his throat.
Hawke frowned. “We’re already going to be down a few people with Eli and Yuki taking Sakura to Disneyland tomorrow. Sing-Liu and D’Arn headed out an hour ago to visit her parents for a couple of days.”
“One night, one day,” Andrew repeated. It was all he trusted himself to say.
Hawke’s pale blue eyes drilled into him, tiny lines flaring out at the corners. “Go,” his alpha finally said. “And if you need Pack, don’t be a dipshit and try to hack it alone. Call me.”
Pack was One. Pack was family.
Andrew knew that, but right now, he wanted to be alone. It fucking hurt that Indigo had chosen someone else over him. But he’d have shrugged that off and continued to court her, to challenge Riaz for the right to her, if he hadn’t seen that glowing expression on her face during the run, heard her laughter after it.
Riaz made her happy.
Really, truly happy, with none of the worry or anger that colored her relationship with Andrew.
And though the knowledge had his wolf clawing violently at the inside of his skin, Andrew would slit his own throat before he did anything to savage her happiness—as would inevitably happen if he saw her touch the other male. So he had to get out of here, find some way to gain control over the violence of his emotions, burn off the rage until he was in no danger of using his abilities as the pack’s tracker to spill SnowDancer blood.
Most people tended to forget that the tracker was also trained to kill the rogues he tracked. Andrew never did. It was why he hadn’t shifted, didn’t intend to shift until he had a handle on himself—he didn’t trust what he might do once he gave in to the much more primal mindset of the wolf.
Leaving Hawke’s office without another word, he walked down the tunnels with his head bent, not inviting conversation.
He didn’t count on Ben.
The five-year-old barreled around the corner and wrapped his baby-soft arms around Andrew’s legs. “Drew!” A shining face lifted up to his, absolute trust in those dark, button brown eyes.
Andrew could no more squelch that joy than he could cut Indy out of his heart. “Mr. Ben.” Bending, he picked the sweet-natured boy up and turned him upside down.
Ben’s delighted laughter attracted the attention of passing packmates, made smiles break out on their faces. Andrew smiled, too, but his heart was too bruised to make it real. Turning Ben right side up, he settled the boy on his arm, his eyes on Ben’s soft fleece pajamas. “Did you escape bedtime?” He began heading toward Ben’s home.
A nod, one arm companionably around his neck. “You’re taking me back.”
“Yep.”
A sigh, then he snuggled his head into the curve of Andrew’s neck, sitting patiently until they reached the open doorway of his home. “Knock, knock,” Andrew said. “I have an escapee to return.”
Ben’s mother walked out, shaking her head. “Slippery little monkey. I thought you were in bed.” Taking Ben, she sent Andrew a smile as bright and open as her son’s. “Thanks for bringing my little man back.”
Andrew nodded and was about to leave when Ben said, “Wait! I wanna give Drew something.” Wiggling out of his mother’s arms, he ran to the back of the apartment.
His mom went to say something when there was a cry from somewhere in the living area. “Oh, that’s the baby,” she said. “I better go pick her up.”
Andrew stayed in the doorway as she did so. “How’s Ben with her?”
“He plays with her for hours.” Ava’s cheeks dimpled with maternal pride as she glanced over her shoulder. “Such patience my Benny has, you wouldn’t believe it.”
Ben tumbled out of his room then, running as fast as his little legs would take him. When Andrew crouched in front of him, the boy handed over a tiny object. It was an action figure of a man in a blue jumpsuit sporting improbable muscles. “Thanks.”
“It makes me happy when I play with it.” Ben tapped him on the cheek with one baby-soft palm. “Don’t be sad, Drew.”
Andrew looked into those shining eyes and wondered who Ben was going to grow into. Whoever that man was, Andrew had a feeling the whole pack would be damned proud of him. “Yeah? Okay.”
A smile full of sunshine.
“Come on, Benny,” Ava called. “Let’s get you to bed, my sweet boy.”
Leaving with a wave, Andrew put the little action figure in a side pocket of his pack. Ben had seen. Hawke had seen. Andrew didn’t want anyone else to see. So he made sure he wasn’t stopped again as he headed out and away from this den where Indigo would return on the arm of another man. The rest of what might happen . . . he couldn’t think about it without unleashing the wolf’s tormented rage.